Garths Adventure
by Arianna Buchananne
Summary: An inspiring adventure
1. Default Chapter

SNL with a little bit of Friday the 13th and Blair Witch Project and Also featuring Star Wars and the Wizard of Oz

A. K. A Garth's Amazing Adventure

(Setting: Wayne's World Set) 

Wayne and Garth:"Wayne's World! Wayne's World! Party Time! Excellent! Wooo - ooo - ooo- ooo!" 

Wayne :"Excellent!" 

Wayne: "It's time for Wayne's World. With me as always is Garth!" 

Garth: "Party on Wayne!" 

Wayne: "Party on Garth!" 

Wayne: "With us today is our excellent guest Jason!" 

Wayne and Garth: "Jason! Jason! Party Time! Excellent! Woo - oo - ooo - ooo!" 

(Jason enters wearing a mask and carrying a chainsaw) 

Wayne: "Well Jason? I hear you're into killing people! Excellent! So what have you brought for us today?" 

(Jason breathes heavily and snarls a little) 

Wayne: "Excellent!" 

(Suddenly out of the audience jumps Mary Katherine Gallagher!) 

Mary: "How come he gets to be on the show for killing people? I'm a real SUPERSTAR!" 

Wayne: "Mam! You'll have to take your seat we're in the middle of a show here." 

(As Wayne is saying this Jason saws Mary's head off and her body falls on Garth's feet) 

Garth: "Wayne! I kinda got a dead person on my feet here and she's like, bleeding all over my shoes!" 

(Jason breathes heavily and sits next to Garth) 

Garth: "Wayne, dude, Jason is gonna kill me!" 

Wayne: "No way Garth! Jason has signed a form promising he won't kill us. Besides He's only faking!" 

(Jason breathes even heavier and slices both Wayne's arms off. In no time at all Wayne dies from blood loss.) 

Garth: "Everybody run!" 

(Garth runs away with Jason on his tail. Garth runs four miles not stopping until he finds himself in a dark forest.) 

Garth: "Where am I?" 

(Suddenly a luminous Church Lady appears.) 

Church Lady: "Just like hell isn't it?" 

(She floats beside Garth as he walks through the forest.) 

Garth: "Hey! You look kinda like me!" 

Church Lady: "That's not important! All that's important is that Satan worshiper is close behind you." 

Garth: "What am I going to do?" 

Church Lady: "You can beat him! Just release the Church Lady within!" 

Garth: "Thanks dude!" 

Church Lady: "Well, isn't that special." 

(Church Lady Disappears) 

Garth: "Yeah I can beat him!" 

(Garth stops and turns around. He sees Jason running toward him.) 

Garth (whispering to himself): "Release the Church Lady within. Release the Church Lady within." 

(Jason is getting closer every second) 

Garth: "Carrying a chainsaw and killing people, who pays you to do this stuff? Satan?" 

(Jason growls at Garth) 

Garth: "Oooo, vicious are we? Well , isn't that special." 

(Jason revs up his chainsaw and runs in for the kill) 

(Garth moves a foot in the neck of time and Jason runs in to a tree) 

Garth: "Now that we've learned that doing the work of the devil doesn't pay we need to teach you a lesson." 

(Garth throws Jason into a bear cave) 

(Church Lady appears again) 

Church Lady: "Good work!" 

Garth: "You still haven't told me why I look like you?" 

Church Lady: "It's because you are me, but that's still not important. What's important is getting the hell out of here!" 

Garth: "How will I do that?" 

Church Lady: "You got rid of that son of Satan didn't you? I'm sure you'll figure something out." 

(Church Lady disappears again) 

Garth: "Dammit!" 

(Garth walks through the woods trying to find a way back.) 

Garth: "What did she mean by because you are me?" 

(As Garth is thinking a noise escapes from the thickets. Garth turns his head toward that direction and Sensitive Naked Guy Appears) 

Garth: "What are you doing here? This is my story!" 

Sensitive Naked Guy: "Some guy dragged me here and beat me!" 

Garth: "Put some clothes on!" 

Sensitive Naked Guy: "What does that have to do with the guy who dragged me here and beat me?" 

Garth: "Maybe he did it because you need to put some clothes on ,dude?" 

Sensitive Naked Guy: "Will you help me get back home?" 

Garth: "No!" 

Sensitive Naked Guy: "Why?" 

Garth: "Because you need to put some clothes on." 

(Garth walks away leaving Sensitive Naked Guy behind. As Garth walks he takes his drum sticks out of his pocket and starts to fake play drums. While he is doing this he hears an irritating voice coming from not too far away.) 

Garth: "Who are you?!" 

Voice: "I am Craig Buchanan, the Liberation Party Witch!" 

Garth: "Excellent!" 

Craig: "Now are you down with the Spartan Spirit?" 

Garth: "The what?" 

Craig: "Big mistake! I haunt ,like, these woods and since you're not down with the Spartan Spirit I'm gonna have to kill you!" 

Garth: "Not too excellent!" 

Craig: "I'll give you a ten minute running start . . . now!" 

(Garth runs as far as he can away from the Liberation Party Witch. He reaches a darker part of the forest.) 

Garth: "Woah!" 

(He hears a rustling in the bushes and quickly turns his head to see what the noise is. With all of Garth's great luck that day it turned out to be the Liberation Party Witch.) 

Craig: "What have we here?" 

Garth: "How'd you get here so fast?" 

Craig: "What?" 

Garth: "I mean since I had a ten minute running start and I took the quickest path here because I ran straight that means that it's not possible for you to get here that fast." 

Craig: "Does it make a difference now that I found you?" 

Garth: "Apparently not." 

Craig: "Exactly!" 

Garth: "Release the Church Lady within. Release the Church Lady within." 

(Garth rams at Craig Buchanan with the full power of his head. Craig Buchanan is injured and rests on the floor.) 

Craig: "This isn't over yet!" 

Garth: "Later Dude! Much!" 

(Garth walks through the dark woods until he reaches a cave that appears to be empty. He walks in to find a small creature with large ears and big eyes.) 

Garth: "Who are you?" 

Creature: "I am Yoda! Have you come to learn how to be a Jedi?" 

Garth: "No, I'm lost and could you, like, help me find my way home?" 

Yoda: "Just follow the yellow brick road!" 

Garth: "Are you sure you're not a munchkin from the land of OZ or something?" 

Yoda: "You dare question Yoda?" 

Garth: "No, dude, I'm sorry! I'll follow any color road you want!" 

Yoda: "Follow and you shall find your way home. Now go! I have to make green tea." 

Garth: "Okay dude! Bye!" 

Yoda: "Goodbye my son!" 

(Garth travels on. Finally he reaches an amazing castle.) 

Garth: "If this is home then I'm the king of Italy!" 

(Two dwarfs came up to Garth.) 

Dwarf 1: "We welcome you, your majesty." 

Dwarf 2: "Welcome back!" 

Garth: "You mean I live here?" 

(Both Dwarfs nod their heads.) 

Garth: "Excellent!" 

(Garth follows the Dwarfs into the castle where he is made king. Of his many accomplishments were world peace, the return of Death Leopard and the remix versions of songs by such groups as Metallica and Aerosmith. Garth lives happily ever after until the ghost of Wayne returns, but that's another story!) 


	2. Default Chapter

Garth's Amazing Adventure - PART 2

Will Ferrell Strikes Back A. K. A. I Am Your Father

(Setting: As we left our hero, Garth, he was king of who knows where, but he was king. So that's where our story starts.) 

Garth: "Bring me my royal band! Royal Band! Royal Band! Party Time! Excellent! Wooo - ooo - oooo!" 

(A dwarf brings in a band with brightly colored hair and sparkling guitars.) 

Lead Singer: "So what should we play?" 

Garth: "Humor me." 

Lead Singer: "A one . . . a two . . . a one, two , three , four, rock 'n' roll!" 

(The band starts playing a song from Aerosmith and Garth shakes his head and plays with his (royal) drumsticks. Suddenly his butler walks in carrying a large scroll.) 

Butler: "You have an unusual visitor." 

Garth: "Excellent!" 

(The butler walked out and came back leading a transparent person with no arms into the large room made of marble.) 

Garth: "Wayne! I thought you were, like, dead!" 

Wayne: "Well I am a ghost. I came to warn you about the bad men who are gonna attack your empire and stuff. So you should be, like, scared." 

Garth: "Not so Excellent." 

Wayne: "Not Excellent at all." 

Garth: "So what should I do?" 

Wayne: "I don't know. All I know is that I'm out of here! Later! Much!" 

Garth: "Wait! What's it like to be dead?" 

Wayne: "Same as being alive only it's harder when you got no arms." 

Garth: "Okay you can leave now!" 

(Wayne disappears into thin air. Garth begins to listen to his royal band again and all is back to as it was before Wayne's visit.) 

Garth: "Pump it up!" 

(As Garth is pumping it up in a place far from his castle all of Will Ferrell's Alter - Egos plan to take over Garth's Kingdom) 

Craig Buchanan (The Liberation Party Witch): "Well, fellas we need to make haste! So if you're down with the spirit lets do some planing!" 

(As Craig says this he does an incredibly gay dance.) 

Steve Buttabi: "I think once we've taken over Garth's kingdom we should party at the Roxbury!" 

David Larry: "Mr. Bo Jangles thinks we should get drunk once we've taken over. Poor Mr. Bo Jangles has a problem." 

Mustafa: "I think we should break into the castle with use of high tech gadgetry and weaponry." 

Drill Sargent: "Take off the stupid hat and give me twenty. You scum bag if we must attack we must attack with the element of surprise! We must attack as one unit and we must plot out the plan and the enemies weak points!" 

Craig: "Good plan! All you other alter - egos will follow the command of us three - Mustafa, Drill Sargent and of course me. We will attack as soon as it is dark. We will bring guns, smoke bombs, etc. and once that's over we'll get jiggy wit it!" 

Steve Buttabi: "Well spoken." 

Tom Wilkens: "But he has the power of the Church Lady on his side!" 

Drill Sargent: "Good Point! You're promoted!" 

Tom Wilkens: "Yeah!" 

Drill Sargent: "Now you're demoted!" 

Tim Wilkens: "Aw!" 

Craig: "Lets proceed to plot out our plan!" 

(Craig takes out a model of Garth's castle.) 

Craig: "We will split up into four groups! Each group will attack one side of the castle and then we will proceed into the castle with the use of the entrance on the west side of the castle!" 

Drill Sargent: "Why don't we enter the castle at the dead of night as one group! We will step quietly and I refuse to get jiggy wit it!" 

Craig: "Or we could do that!" 

(Craig proceeds with his gay dance. Steve shakes his head and Drill Sargent continues to scream at everyone for no apparent reason. But in Garth's castle Garth is busily plotting his defense plan and plan for world domination.) 

Garth: "Ha! I beat you at Risk for , like, the hundredth time in a row. Give up!" 

Dwarf: "Alright, Oh Mighty King!" 

(Garth's Butler enters.) 

Garth: "Jeeves, my main man! What's shakin?" 

Butler: "My name isn't Jeeves and shouldn't you be planning against that attack your friend Wayne told you was going to happen." 

Garth: "Jeevsie! Wayne was only playin!" 

Butler: "He seemed quite serious to me." 

(The Church Lady Appears) 

Church Lady: "He's right! The devil worshiping son of a guns are going to attack!" 

Garth: "Woah! Not so excellent!" 

Church Lady: "Well isn't that special." 

(Church Lady disappears.) 

Garth: "So all we gotta do is release the Church Lady within." 

Dwarf: "Why?" 

Garth: "Cuz whenever she shows up that's the solution to all my problems." 

Dwarf: "Well isn't that special." 

Garth: "See you can do it!" 

(Dwarf makes a strange face and leaves the room.) 

Garth: "Everyone must learn to release the Church Lady within!" 

(Now somewhere in the dark little cave where Garth met Yoda sat Yoda drinking his Green Tea. Suddenly the Church Lady appears.) 

Church Lady: "The force is strong with this one." 

Yoda: "Yes! Yet he is naive, but there is another." 

Church Lady: "Well for Christ's sake where in heavens names is this other?" 

Yoda: "He's dead." 

Church Lady: "A lot of good that does us!" 

Yoda: "Oh screw you!" 

Church Lady: "Dear me! Satan Alert! Satan Alert!" 

Yoda: "Leave now! No Green Tea for you!" 

(Church Lady disappears and Yoda continues to drink his green tea.) 

Yoda: "Garth must have patience if he wants to defeat Will Ferrel and his alter - egos. I sense danger ahead." 

(Church Lady appears.) 

Church Lady: "Who are you talking to?" 

Yoda: "I sensed your presence so I figured I'd talk to you and you'd appear." 

Church Lady: "You, my green little friend, need to lay off the liquor." 

Yoda: "I was right wasn't I and I thought I told you never to mention my problem again!" 

Church Lady: "God knows your problem without me talking about it." 

Yoda: "Let god know!" 

Church Lady: "Satan knows too." 

Yoda: "Damn him!" 

Yoda: "Let him be damned!" 

Yoda: "May damned he be!" 

Yoda: "Let damned be he!" 

Yoda: "He is to be damned!" 

Church Lady: "Well isn't that special." 

(Church Lady disappears and Yoda takes another sip of his tea. Will Ferrell's alter egos are already approaching Garth's Kingdom and Craig continues to do his incredibly gay dance all the way there.) 

Craig: "We're outside the kingdom right now, but the entrance has been blocked!" 

Drill Sargent: "By what?!?" 

Craig: "This funky looking shadow!" 

Drill Sargent: "Get down and give me 20! A shadow cannot hurt you! You are nothing, but a wimp! We can easily pass through the darkness!" 

Craig: "You've got some bad Karma my friend." 

Drill Sargent: "You should quit acting like a baby! You are supposed to be the man these alter - egos call captain! Start acting like one, you pussy!" 

Craig: "Well in the name of the Spartan Spirit you're right! Lets attack!" 

(The alter egos run inside the castle. Garth is in his castle trying to practice releasing the Church Lady within when suddenly Will Ferrell and the other alter egos enter the main chamber of his palace where Garth is practicing.) 

Garth: "Damn you! You're here!" 

Craig: "I have something to tell you." 

Garth: "What?" 

Craig: "I am your father." 

Garth: " Really?" 

Craig: "Hell no! To think me your father! I didn't think that anyone would be stupid enough to actually believe that! That's a laugh!" 

Garth: "Hey! Stop laughing at me!" 

Garth: "Release the Church Lady within (repeats 3 times). . ." 

(Garth calls out his warriors and royal subjects who are all ready for battle. The fight lasts for hours, but in the end Garth wins [duh] ) 

Craig: "Well this sucks! Lets go!" 

(The alter - egos leave and Garth celebrates. Church Lady appears holding a mace and a golden staff.) 

Church Lady: "You've earned this." 

(Church Lady hands the staff to Garth.) 

Garth: "Excellent!" 

Church Lady: "Well isn't that special." 

(Yoda appears.) 

Church Lady: "You deserve this!" 

(Church Lady hits Yoda with the Mace.) 

Yoda: "That hurt you jack ass!" 

Church Lady: "What did you call me?" 

Yoda: "You heard me! Jack ass!" 

Church Lady: "No you didn't!" 

Yoda: "I did and I'll say it again! You're a jack ass!" 

Church Lady: "That's it green boy you're going down!" 

(Church Lady hits Yoda with the mace several times more and they both disappear. Garth lives happily ever after as king of his kingdom. Garth accomplished many great deeds in his time. He married and had children and passed away. When he passed away his oldest son, Doug, took his thrown. Wayne's Ghost never returned to Garth's Kingdom although he was spotted at the Bahamas.) 

THE END 

If you did not like my lovely story and decide to flame then please follow these easy to follow rules : 

1) You must use the phrase "I am your father" at least twice. 

2) You must mention old people at least once. 

3) You must use all the numbers in between 0 and 100. 

4) You must use at least one Spanish word. 

5) You must mention Christmas Trees at least once. 

6) You must use at least two curse words. 

Okay be sure to follow the rules and have a nice day. 


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